I was doing sooo good. I was not just having a good day, I was having a good couple of weeks. I have been in high spirits since my last Dr's appointment when he gave me some hope. The hope that it can still happen and he thinks it will happen. Just wait and be patient. So I was good. Waiting on God. It will happen when HE wants it to happen. It may not happen right now, it might be six months from now. These were my thoughts......................until today.
Today I got on Facebook to find one of my friends loading up to go to the hospital to have her baby, another friend posted new picts of her baby, and I found out another friend is 10 weeks pregnant. Then I lost a glimmer of that hope. That "I'm tired of waiting, I want a precious baby to hold, it's my turn" mood returned. I hate that feeling. I hate it because I feel like it puts me back at square one. I feel like God says "you were almost there, you almost believed me, you almost had complete faith in me." I hope that's not what He says. Because if He does, I'm never going to get pregnant. I do know He has a plan. I just wish it was for me to get pregnant now. I hate second guessing Him and asking all the time.
It's just hard to sit back and be patient when it seems EVERYONE around you is getting what you want. It seems like everyone is pregnant right now. Every time I turn around I hear about someone else who is pregnant. Some people who have fertility problems are mad at those people who are able to get pregnant when they want, three times, it only took them two months. Not me, usually anyway. Depends on the person. I can't believe I just said that. For instance my sister-in-law is pregnant and when we found out my mom asked how I was doing. I was fine, I was not mad at her or angry. I just wanted to be pregnant too. When I get in this not so good mood I then start questioning whether it will happen at all. There are tons of people who want babies who never get pregnant. Just because I want a baby does not mean it will happen for me. When I look back at my childhood and the dreams I had of becoming a mother, I never imagined it would be like this. I always wondered if I would have problems getting pregnant but I always thought that I would get pregnant and have three kids. Looks like my plan was not God's plan.
1 comment:
I'm so sorry to read this...I know you want it and like you say it will be in HIS time and if its not then he has something better for you. We don't know what it is but we know HE does know best. I'm glad you said that about finding out about your SIL. I had a co worker who was tryin g to get pregnant. They have been trying for like 10 years and then I wind up pregnant again for the third time in less than 5 years. I was really worried about her but she said "I am happy for you..its hard when people who don't want kids or don't deserve kids get pregnant but I'm happy for you..I just want one too" Which I can try to understand but its still kinda rough on this end too bc we are happy but we want you to be happy too...hang in there!! Love ya!
Post a Comment