Update on Pregnancy

Well that's what the title SHOULD say, but it is actually update on INfertility! You got excited didn't you?! I took the Provera as instructed by my Dr. Take 10 pills, you should get your period 3 to 7 days after the last pill, then start on your 4th round of clomid. Well, I'm on day 8 of the last Provera pill and still no period. Grrrrr What the heck is going on?! I called my Dr but haven't gotten a reply yet. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting. Sunday I was a little down. I had gotten over not having the surgery this month and was on to hoping for results this time from the Provera and Clomid. But I can't take the Clomid wo the period. So I guess it was because I just feel like we have no idea what is going on or why I have not started. There is no reason for this. I should be fine now. But I'm a little better today. Praying my Dr will call soon and tell me we are going to do the surgery! Keeping my fingers crossed!

Tomorrow is March! Yay! You have no idea how excited we are. Jobs are already starting to pop up and now that tomorrow is March even more will start to show up. Sooooo excited! For the next month (or months) our lives will be full of filling out applications, sending resumes, interviews, waiting to hear back, disappointments, sending more resumes, questioning, more interviews, wondering, and hopefully will end in excitement. I pray daily that God will show is where He wants us and we don't push for where WE want to go. I know God has big plans for us and now I am ready to know what they are. Please pray for us while we hopefully find our next jobs!

Totally Awesome Titles

We bake Christmas cookies every year and I was

getting a little tired of the same ol layouts. So this

year I wanted to mix it up a little. I think the page

is a little older for my nephew and turned out great.

I especially love the title! Course I can't take the

credit, I stole it from Creating Keepsakes Mag.

But it's still super cute!!

This next layout is one of my all time faves!! Since I am

from Austin, TX and we NEVER got snow, I mean

NEVER, I love to take pictures of the snow.

Title: I love how it turned out!



More Pages

I love this page because it's a new design

 that I have never done. I think it turned

out really cute! What do you think?

Journaling:

I have done this layout tons of times. It is a great

way to get 6 4/6 pictures on the layout.

Again, I have done this layout many times. I'm telling

ya, if you find a layout that works, use it!! This is one

of my favorites!!! Course it helps theres a really

cute nephew in the picts!



Scrapbooking Love

I am an avid scrapbooker! I love to scrapbook! It is so much fun and I love the joy of completing a beautiful page to share with family. I wanted to share pages on my blog so family and friends could see their pictures in my books. Hope you enjoy!

This first page I promised yesterday that I would post it when I was finished. Well here it is! I love the way it turned out! It was actually for my husband because he says I never do pages of us.

Journaling:

This next page is the exact same layout as the pages above.

I tend to find a layout I like and then do 3 or 4 of the

same layout. But if it works well, might as well keep using it!

Journaling:

Christmas Cuties

I know, I know. Isn't it a little late to be

 putting Christmas pictures up? I had to

share because they are just so darn cute!

Abby, Kobi and Isaac

Isaac LOOOVES chocolate!

I told him he was turning into the Grinch!

hehehehe!! He wasn't too happy about it!

Baking gingerbread cookies with mom and Aunt Amber

Can you tell he is a bit of a ham?

Learning to Coupon..............

or trying to anyway. My cousin (I'm not naming any names, Annie) was suppose to teach me. But it seems like every time we are together we find something more fun to do. So I guess it's not just her fault. One of the teachers at the school I work at is doing coupon classes every Wednesday. We have had two so far and I am thoroughly confused. There's so much to remember and just when I think I have it down I forget again. Plus it doesn't help that we live forty five minutes away from Kroger and Walgreens. When your broke and it takes $60 to fill your car up it's not easy to just run to town. But I still want to learn and I am hoping that where ever we move to next is in a descent size town that has stores I can coupon in. This is my prayer! Hey don't hate, I'm from Austin, TX. The small town life just isn't my thing.

I am an avid scrapbooker! I love it! It is my favorite hobby and I love to scrapbook both by myself and with friends. Right now most of my pages are filled with my sweet little nephew. Cory sometimes says that the books might as well say Kobi on the front because that's all they are. lol poor guy! Because he always says this I am currently working on a page with just pictures of us two. When I get it done I will post it. It's almost finished but I feel it's missing something.

I am trying to get back into the scrapbooking mood. From the looks of my living room you would think I was in the mood. But lately every time I sit down to do it, I'm just not in the crafty mood. I know scrapbooking is suppose to be fun, relaxing, and a hobby, but I hate that I am soooo far behind! It drives me crazy. I want to be caught up. I want to take pictures and then go in and scrap them. I want to at least be caught up by the time we have our first child, because I know after that I will definitely be behind. So my goal for the rest of the school year and summer is to get caught up! We'll see if that happens. That's only been my goal for the past two years. But I had excuses the previous years, work, night classes, basketball games, life. Now I have all the time in the world, except for the work excuse. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Update on Fertility: I took the last provera pill last night. Now waiting to start and then will start my 4th round of clomid. Please pray things go well this time.

I Love the Weekends

So I finally fixed my blog. Here's the kicker, I have NOOOOOO idea how I did it. For real! And I'm sure that the next time I do it, it will happen again! Grrrrr! Oh well

Great weekend. I had Thursday night and Friday night to myself, which was a nice change. Cory was out of town and I had the house to myself. It was nice to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Doesn't that sound selfish? I cleaned a little and did a little scrapbooking. Went to bed early and couldn't go to sleep for all the noises. Really I heard them, I think. Saturday we celebrated my mother-in-laws birthday at Olive Garden. Yummo!!! Tomorrow morning we head back to Doniphan for church in the morning. Then going home to relax and maybe throw in some more scrapbooking. Maybe.

This week I found out a few things about some people that I thought were my friends. People who were nice to my face and then talking about me behind my back. I really thought that when I graduated from high school all the girl drama would be gone. Boy was I wrong. If you have women around, theres going to be drama at some point. I think some people have to be the center of attention, have to complain, and or like to stir up crap. Sad, so sad. My cousin once told me that he pastor had preached about your box. Staying in your box. (well something like that) When someone does you wrong, they are sinning. But when someone does you wrong and then you do something wrong back to them, then you are sinning too. I'm trying to stay in my box. It's so tempting to call these people out. These people who think I don't know what they have said about me. I know! It's so tempting to turn around and give them what they deserve. But you know what? I'm going to stay in my box, and keep my mouth shut. (which is very hard for me!) It doesn't matter. They are obviously not true friends and why would I want someone like that in my life?

It's about to be the last week of February! Yay! March could not get here any faster! Three months of school left and jobs will be posted early to mid March! Have you ever noticed how much I like exclamation points? I mean really, how many exclamation points can you use in one paragraph? hehehehe And how random I am?

Help!

I have officially jacked up my blog. It took me forever the first time to figure out how to put up a cute background, like we talking days. But I finally got it figured out. Now I want to change it again and I can't figure it out. I'm sure you can that I now have a background from shabbyblogs and a template from Leelou blogs. Please help me!!

I must confess

A lot of people think I am this extremely organized, extremely clean, nothing can be out of order type of wife. Do you want the truth? That's only me sometimes. And it depends on what it is I am doing or dealing with. My family got to see a side of me this Christmas that I'm sure some of them have never seen.

First of all my Aunt and I had decided previously that we would open presents one at a time so we could see what everyone got. I mean hello, I spent the money and took the time to pick out the perfect present. I think it's only fair to let me see your excitement when you open it. Well things started out great. One present at a time. Then out of no where presents start being handed out like crazy and paper starts flying. I give up. It's hopeless. I instantaneously decide that I will be Santa next year, that way I can be in charge of how fast or slow we go. (ya, that's another side of me too. I like to be in charge) Course the rest of the opening present time I am silently going crazy. Noise, trash, people talking, loud, there's way too much going on in this tiny little living room for me. I really do think I get overstimulated. I use to think that was the stupidest thing until it happened to me. Anyway, a couple of hours later, when nobody picked up the trash, put away their gifts, or straightened up a little, I did it. I went into superwomen mode. I couldnt' handle it. Toys were crammed into corners, there was wrapping paper still taped to boxes and there were people everywhere. So I found some boxes, put their gifts neatly in them, and threw away the trash. After about an hour people started telling me to stop, it was ok, we didn't have to clean it now. Yes we do, I insist. It's driving me crazy. Besides were not doing anything, I might as well. I can't help it, I like things clean and organized.

But here's the funny part. If you saw my scrapbooking room you would not believe that was me. It looks like a tornado went through the middle of it. I hate to do laundry, sometimes the last load will sit in the dryer for a week, until I have to do another load. But I am very particular about how things are folded and put away. I have a certain way I fold things and they must be stacked neatly and rotated. You don't want to be using the same towel over and over again, it will get worn out. My poor husband has been told many times to not just throw the towels in the closet, put them where they go! I hate it when he doesn't pull the hanger when he gets a shirt. Just pull the hanger too and put it with the rest of the hangers, but yet my closet floor is covered in shoes that are not so organized. I love to see my bathroom sparkling but have gone for 2 weeks wo cleaning before. For some reason a dirty car does not bother me until someone else gets in it and then all I can think about is that they are looking at my nasty car and thinking bad of me. I will go for weeks, no months making the bed every morning, and then all of a sudden go a whole week wo making it. I can't stand to see a sink full of dishes and I hate it when the drying towel is not folded properly and put in it's specific place. And it doesn't just go anywhere, it has a home. I rotate the pillows on my couch so they don't get flattened, but I will go for days wo sweeping the floor. Now does that make any sense to you? I mean really. How can you be so crazy organized in some areas and just not care in others. Weird, I tell ya, weird!

Funny Little Valentine

Happy Valentines Day! My husband ceases to amaze me. We decided a couple of weeks ago that since we were completely broke we wouldn't give gifts for Valentines Day this year. He loves me and I love him, not getting a gift for Valentines Day wasn't going to change that. He informed there would be no flowers this year, which was fine with me. (They almost seem like a waist since they die promptly just a few days later) It was nice to know it before hand. I still figured I would get him a card, I mean $2 won't break the bank. But when you are down to one car and your husband goes with you everywhere, it's kind of hard to get something wo him knowing or seeing. Needless to say I never had the chance. Then yesterday I thought well I will make him one. I have tons of scrapbooking stuff and don't people love home made stuff better?! Well that never happened either. But I decided it was ok because we had decided to not do anything. Ooooopps!!! My sweet husband surprised me today at lunch with a card and chocolates. That little stinker. You would think I would know after 5 1/2 years of marriage that this almost always happens. It wasn't much but it was still a sweet little surprise. But now I feel bad because I didn't do anything. I mean nothing. I didn't even get around to making the card. Yikes! It's a good things he loves me no matter what!! And the day is not over yet, I may be able to pull something out of my hat.  

On a sadder note, I found out Friday with a blood test that I am not pregnant. I know your probably wondering why I am bringing this up again. I did post earlier that I had 3 neg preg tests. But I was on day 41 and STILL hadn't started. I have never gone that long, I had never missed a period, and I am pretty sure I ovulated. So even after 3 neg tests I was still speculating if I was really pregnant or not. Grrrrr neg blood test. Started Provera that day and then another round of clomid. Which I am not happy about because I was really wanting to have the surgery at the end of this month to remove the scar tissue. Now we are prolonged at least another two months. =( Praying there is no scar tissue and I will get pregnant this month!

I talked to two of my closes friends this weekend, which made me miss them even more. I always thought when I was in high school that we would always live in the same neighborhood, our kids would grow up playing in the yard together, and we would always have each other around. What a little bubble I was in. These girls are my dearest friends, my oldest friends, and they know almost every little secret, funny story, and dream I have. I hate that we all live so far away from each other and only see each other once every three years or so. Sniff, sniff, makes me sad! It's hard to have such close friends as they are and I long to have a friend like that close around again. I am so ready to leave this town, move on, and make new friends. Start over and maybe get settled. That's the thing about being a coaches wife. You never know where your gonna go or how long you are going to be there. This is kind of hard for me. I spent 18 years in Austin, TX. My church was my school. I was there for church on Sundays and Wednesdays, I went to school there five days of the week, I played sports so I was there after school practicing almost everyday. The only day of the week I wasn't there was Saturday and sometimes we were there that day too. So you can see how moving around constantly is a little tough. We have been here for five years and it is definitely time to go. We have worn out our welcome and are looking forward to our next home. For once I am actually ready to leave. Ready to start over. Only three more months.  

Another Blue Day and Other Musings

Really?? Another blue day?! I'm not sure if it's the cold winter days, with no spring weather or pretty colors. OR the fact that I am totally lost as to what the heck is going on with me??!! My monthly gift is MIA and I do not know where to find her. But here's the kicker, it doesn't make sense for her to be lost. Really, it doesn't. Three tests later confirms a very big NO! I have never had a problem losing her and I am anxiously ready to find her.

On a good note. We got out of school yesterday because of snow and will probably get out tomorrow too! Yesterday I got to go back to sleep after getting the call from the school and sleep for another two hours. I cleaned a little, did some laundry, cooked lunch, then scrapbooked the rest of the day away. Until it was time for the Bachelor to come on and then I promptly set myself in front of the tv to see which lady Brad was going to send home. I did not agree with his choice, but he didn't ask my opinion.

On an even better note, I learned something about my husband yesterday. You see, I am doing a Bible study right now about learning to be your spouses help meet. The chapter for yesterday was learning what type of man your husband is. Mr. Command, Mr. ?? ( I can't remember his name, imagine that) and Mr. Steady. My husband is Mr. Steady. Explaining many things in our relationship both good and bad. See Mr. Steady likes to not rush into decisions. He likes to think about, take his time, and get back to you later. This is sooooo my husband. Which drives me insane. I am very impulsive, let's make a decision, so we can get on with things. Not always the best decision. Which is exactly why God put us together. So Cory can have a level head and not jump into things with out thinking about them. Thank goodness because we would be in a lot of trouble if we both made impulse decisions. Anyway back to my point. The chapter talks about learning what type of man your husband is and understanding that you need to help him and not go against or try to change the man that God made him to be. Instead of being impatient with him when he's trying to make a decision I need to be patient and understand that he is only trying to make the best decision for our family. Even if it does take him two weeks to make up his mind.

Another characteristic of Mr. Steady is that he does not expect you to be his servant, does not understand your unhappiness, and wants to please you. May I say, these are all Cory exactly. He tries to please me all the time. Now it's not a dopey, follow me around, puppy love thing. Which in fact makes me feel bad. And I even hate to admit this because I don't want people to think I am being selfish. Since Cory has been home with me every night he has been more involved with cooking dinner. I know most of you would say, geeze wish my husband would help with dinner. But remember I don't have kids at home, I'm not in school, and pretty much have nothing to do except go to work (and worry about if I'm pregnant or not) I would say "were having _______ for dinner" and my husband would say "well I was thinking we could have ______ for dinner". He has been cooking almost every night or at least helping me. Usually this would be wanted (like last year when I was in school and working and had no time to sleep, let alone cook) But now I just feel he is taking away from MY wifely duties. I'm the wife, I'm suppose to choose and cook dinner. Now that I have learned that Cory is Mr. Steady I realize that he is just trying to help me. Shame on my for feeling angry or annoyed with him for just wanting to help or for wanting to pick what HE eats for dinner. Good grief, reading it on the computer screen makes me seem so selfish. I need to be grateful for the amazing husband I have who does not boss me around, does not expect me to be his servant, but just wants to be helpful and for me to be happy. I need to be thankful for the help now because when he goes back to coaching he will not have the time to help me like he does now. Now I need to go ask for forgiveness for being so selfish.

Today..................

I have good days and bad days and today is not a good day. Not only do I not feel good, but I took a preg test this morning and it was negative. I was really thinking and hoping I was. Surprisingly I did not cry, but I'm sure that will come when my monthly gift arrives. Not sure why that hasn't happened yet. Which is even more aggravating because I feel like I am being teased. I am three days over and nothing but the test says no. So instead of accepting the fact, I sit there and wonder if I really am, but asking why it hasn't shown up by now. I wish I would just start so I don't have to wonder myself to death. It really is exhausting. I talk myself out of it because the test says no, but then that "what if" creeps back in and it starts all over again. I know that more then likely I am going to have to have the surgery at the end of the month to remove the scar tissue, but that's a month away. That's a month of torment and still trying. I wish I was more patient. I almost wish this desire wasn't so huge. I wish I was one of those people who would be ok to not have any kids. But that's not me at all. I have wanted kids as young as I can remember. I never wanted to be a ballerina, a nurse, an astronaut. Nope, I always wanted to be a mom. Always. A stay at home mom, who adored her husband and kids. I'm sure when I do get pregnant I will look back on these days and realize just how impatient I was being.



A little Background History

Ok, some of you have asked about the tumor sooooooooo I decided I would do a post instead of tell each of you individually. This be a tad lengthy and I will probably ramble and be a little random. I tend to do that.

June 2005- Cory and I get married. I still had several years of college so Cory we decided to wait on getting pregnant until I had graduated. I knew in my heart and head that this was the smart thing to do but who wants smart?

2007- I had been seeing a nurse practitioner for my yearly examines and was going to see a OBGYN when it was time to start trying. During the exam with the np she asked me if I was pregnant. I knew I wasn't pregnant but was secretly hoping I was.  There was simply no way I could have been because of birth control among other varying factors. I asked why? She said that my uterus was the size of a 3 month pregnant women. So I took the pregnancy test only to find out that I was right. Not pregnant. She decided to set me up for a ultra sound the next week at the hospital. At the time I did not have insurance and we were broke! So my husband wanted me to call before I went to see how much it was going to cost. $12,000!!!! There was no way we could afford that. I had to go back to the np a couple of weeks later and she asked me about the results. I had to share with her why we had not done the ultra sound. She was not worried about it. Said I didn't have pain, symptoms and my grandmother had an enlarged uterus when she was young. Maybe that's what it was. She told me if anything changed I needed to get it done. SO she wasn't worried, I wasn't worried! I mean she was the np, not me. Surely she knew what she was talking about. I never did have any pain or anything that was weird, or so I thought.

August 2009- I knew we were going to be trying soon so I wanted to get established with an obgyn. During the appointment I shared with the Dr what had happened in 2007. He examined me and rushed me away to an ultra sound.

This girl (me) knew nothing about ultra sounds except for what you see on tv. That's all I knew. Boy was I in for a surprise! First she pulls out this wand and I'm thinking well what the heck is shew going to do with that?? Then she sticks it.......well you know. I was like omg! This is not what I thought it was going to be. Then half way through the ultra sound she asks me if Ive ever had an ultra sound? I'm like hello?? NO! Asking me that in the beginning would have been nice!

After she is done the Dr comes in to talk to me. First of all he scares the ever living day lights out of me. Tells me I have a tumor and that my uterus is now the size of a five month pregnant women. Does not explain the severity of this, throws out words like surgery and hysterectomy, and on top of it, makes me feel like an idiot. He was almost yelling at me "can't you feel that huge hard knot in your belly?" Yes I could. But I didn't know that's what that was. It had grown gradually and I had become use to it. I just thought I was getting fat. Now that I look back there were some things that weren't normal. I had to pee all the time, I mean ALL the time. But I drank a lot of water, a lot. So I just contributed it to that. In the end, sometimes I would have trouble getting a tampon in or out. I know that seems weird that I wouldn't think hmmmm there might be something wrong. But like I said things had gradually gotten bad and I had gradually gotten use to them. Plus my periods were extremely heavy for me. I was going through two boxes of tampons each period. For me that was a lot. But I just thought that was normal. For one I had heard of other people having heavy periods and who the heck sits around and talks about how much you bleed??? Not me. After I left the Dr's office I just started to bawl. No one was with me and I didn't know if I was going to die or not be able to have babies. I was scared! After talking to a lot of people, I decided to get a second opinion since this Dr was talking about a hysterectomy. 

October 2009- I go see the next Dr for a second opinion. I explain everything to him. He is completely calm and not worried about the tumor at all. He told me that he was dealt with this a lot, had pregnant women with tumors, etc. Boy do I feel better! He decides to let me try for a couple of months before we do anything at all to see if I can get pregnant. Didn't happen.

Dec '09-June '10- He decides to send me to a fertility specialists in St Louis since she deals with this all the time and is trained to deal with it. At this point they believe the tumor is approx 13 cm. Good grief! The size of a grapefruit! After my ultra sound she talks to us about our options. First she wanted us to try by ourselves. Not pregnant. Then she wanted to go through and make sure the reason I wasn't getting pregnant was not because of fertility reasons. Which she was hoping was my problem and not the tumor. After 15 tests she decided fertility was not my problem. The last test she wanted was an MRI. She previously thought that surgery to take the tumor out had a huge risk of having to do a hysterectomy because of the position of the tumor. After the MRI she was not worried about having to do a hysterectomy at all. Said there was a less then 5% chance that she would have to. She believed the problem was that the tumor was on the top and back of my uterus and was so heavy that it was pushing down and closing off my tubes. After the surgery I should have no problem.............unless I had scar tissue from the surgery. 

July 2010- This was one of the most crazy months of my life. We headed to Austin TX for my moms kidney transplant, then we headed to Mississippi to visit my grandparents and leave on a cruise. Immediately after the ship docked we drove to St. Louis for pre-op appointments on Friday and then the surgery to remove the tumor on Monday (myomectomy). The surgery went better then expected. The tumor was bigger then what they thought, a whopping 17 cm, the size of a large cantaloupe. I did not have to have a blood transfusion (and there was a huge chance I was going to) my uterus looked amazing. AND I did not have to have a hysterectomy! Now all I had to do was wait my three months and get pregnant. Sounded easy enough! NOT!

I never had pain because of the tumor. Ever. Or that I knew of. After the surgery we talked to the Dr about if the tumor would return, etc. She said she didn't think so but she also didn't know why I had it either. Tumors are common................in women who are twice my age and they usually have several tumors not one huge one. Their cure is quite simple, hysterectomy. I am young, healthy and in some what good shape. There should be no reason for me to have a tumor.

Januar2011-Present- It has been six months since my surgery and I am still not pregnant. I was a good girl and waited the three months. Fully expecting to get pregnant the next month, nope. Went to see my regular obgyn, he started me on clomid. I took it three times with no luck. Returned to my obgyn, he decided I would not take the clomid for 2 months, then if I'm still not pregnant I am having another surgery. Well he called it surgery but really its no big deal. He will go in through my belly button with a scope to see if there is any scar tissue, if there is he will remove it. And put dye through my tubes to make sure they are clear and not damaged bc of the surgery. If I do not get pregnant this month then I will have surgery at the end of the month.

I know I should not complain because fertility wise, we have not been trying that long. BUT when there should be nothing wrong with you and your still not getting pregnant its very aggravating.

Typical Male

Warning- This post is for women only.

My husband is a typical male! He loves his sports, his recliner, and of course me! hehehe! But he also loves pretty silky things you wear for about three minutes then gets thrown on the floor! If you know what I mean. A trip to Victoria Secret a couple of weekends ago just proves my point!

December- I have been in need a good supportive bra for a couple of years. But just never got around to it, didn't have the money, or didn't have the time to go get one. So I thought "I will ask for a Victoria Secret gift card" Then I will have the money and an excuse to go get one. Mind you, this whole time, the point of the gift card was to get a good, supportive, white bra. You know every women needs a white bra! 

December 25- Received Victoria Secret gc

January- Cory and I decide to go to Jonesboro for a little date and to spend the tons of gift cards we both received for Christmas. Still in my head- good, supportive, white bra! As we are walking into the VS store, Cory says "now you are getting something pretty right?" I said "well I'm getting a bra." He says "ok but a pretty bra right?" I said "no, a white bra" "A white bra? That's not fun! No, you have a gc to VS and you have to get a sexy, pretty bra!" I tried to explain to my darling hubby that the whole point of the gc was to get a good, supportive, white bra! After about 20 minutes of this discussion with my hubs pouting, and thankfully a sale going on, I decided I would get two bras. One white and one of his choice. THEN.................when I tell him my plan he says "oh you can pick it out." Men are ridiculous! In the end we bought a white bra and a pretty bra. Men are silly! At least my man is :)