It still doesn't seem real..................

somebody pinch me and wake me up! Can this really be happening? I am really pregnant? Just under ten months ago I was in the middle of my nightmare, wondering what was going to happen, if I was ever going to get pregnant. We had been trying for about two years and I was losing hope. Not losing faith in God, but rethinking if He had babies in His plan for us. I knew He could snap his finger or blink His eye and make me pregnant, that was not the problem. But I knew that babies are not in His plan for everybody, and I was starting to think maybe they weren't in mine.

Then God proved me wrong. I had quit checking the calendar, checking other things, and just "letting things happen". We had just moved to Summersville and were getting settled in. I can remember the day like it was yesterday. We had gone to church with some new friends and stopped by Wal-Mart afterwards. Amy and I had talked a little about my infertility issue and she had told me hers. I knew my period was suppose to be arriving any day and she talked me into getting a test. Oh, what the heck I thought. I wasn't going to take it for another couple of days because by this point I didn't want to"waste" it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't wait. When we got home, I took it right away. Mind you, still thinking "it's going to be negative, you'll take the test and will start tomorrow". That's usually how it went. I laid the test on the counter and walked away. I walked away!! I didn't stand there and wait for the result, I walked away. A few minutes later, I almost hollered at Cory to look at the test, he was standing there next to it, but I figured he wouldn't know how to read it anyway. I unanxiously picked it up and to my amazement, there were two bright pink lines! Two??? How could that be? Was I reading it wrong, was I seeing things? This stick had to be wrong! I started yelling and ran to Cory saying "omg, theres two lines, theres never been two lines"!!!!!! Once he realized what I was talking about, a nervous smile appeared on his face. I wish I knew what he was thinking right at that moment. I always joke that he was thinking "oh crap, it actually worked". Whether that was his thoughts, I will never know.

But now looking back, I understand the two years of waiting. God wasn't ready for us to be pregnant yet. When we started trying, things were great in our lives, but months later, they were not. We spent a whole year of those two years miserable and broke. We both hated where we were living, the people around us, and could barely pay our bills. I was still stuck with an aide job and we were looking hard to move. Looking back, it actually would have been terrible to be pregnant, especially for Cory. I really think he would have had a break down. God knew what was coming next in our lives, and He knew that if I would just be patient for another couple of months, He would reveal His plan. The timing was perfect. When we found out we were pregnant, we were in a new place we loved, both had great jobs, and my due date was perfect for starting the summer off. If I had known the plan before hand, I wouldn't have gone through two miserable years of praying, crying, wondering, and I don' t know that I would appreciate this precious little girl as much. God knew what He was doing, I just couldn't see the big picture. You know what? That's ok with me.