I Was Doing Good

I was doing sooo good. I was not just having a good day, I was having a good couple of weeks. I have been in high spirits since my last Dr's appointment when he gave me some hope. The hope that it can still happen and he thinks it will happen. Just wait and be patient. So I was good. Waiting on God. It will happen when HE wants it to happen. It may not happen right now, it might be six months from now. These were my thoughts......................until today.

Today I got on Facebook to find one of my friends loading up to go to the hospital to have her baby, another friend posted new picts of her baby, and I found out another friend is 10 weeks pregnant. Then I lost a glimmer of that hope. That "I'm tired of waiting, I want a precious baby to hold, it's my turn" mood returned. I hate that feeling. I hate it because I feel like it puts me back at square one. I feel like God says "you were almost there, you almost believed me, you almost had complete faith in me." I hope that's not what He says. Because if He does, I'm never going to get pregnant. I do know He has a plan. I just wish it was for me to get pregnant now. I hate second guessing Him and asking all the time.

It's just hard to sit back and be patient when it seems EVERYONE around you is getting what you want. It seems like everyone is pregnant right now. Every time I turn around I hear about someone else who is pregnant. Some people who have fertility problems are mad at those people who are able to get pregnant when they want, three times, it only took them two months. Not me, usually anyway. Depends on the person. I can't believe I just said that. For instance my sister-in-law is pregnant and when we found out my mom asked how I was doing. I was fine, I was not mad at her or angry. I just wanted to be pregnant too. When I get in this not so good mood I then start questioning whether it will happen at all. There are tons of people who want babies who never get pregnant. Just because I want a baby does not mean it will happen for me. When I look back at my childhood and the dreams I had of becoming a mother, I never imagined it would be like this. I always wondered if I would have problems getting pregnant but I always thought that I would get pregnant and have three kids. Looks like my plan was not God's plan. 

Feelings and Summer

I am feeling a little overwhelmed. But I knew I would feel this way when I had my first classroom. I have been in my room a couple of times but they were quick in "wow" now let's go before I have to do something kind of visits. You see I am one of those people that when I am doing something new or that I am unsure of, don't know what I'm doing, don't know anybody, it takes me forever to get started. Once i get started I am usually fine.....................but getting started is another story. So that's where I am right now. I met with the other First grade teacher today and I like her. But she started talking about stuff that I was unsure of and it scared me. Thank goodness she will be on vacation this next week and then I will be on vacation the next week, so I don't have to face my fear for another two weeks. Every time I think about working in my room or the first day of school I am reminded of the children's book that talks about someone not wanting to go to school, their mom is telling them to get up, get ready, it' fine everyone will like you, and then in the end you find out it's the teacher not wanting to go. I totally agree! I can't remember the name of the book but it's really cute.

I am also the new cheerleading coach and I find the same feelings when thinking about meeting with the girls. It amazes me that I use to have all these feelings when I was in school and I am now 26 years old and am still having the same feelings. I should be over this stuff. That feeling of unsureness and insecurities haunt me to this day. I will push pass them and move on. The question is when?

The house is coming along slowly but surely. We finely got Direct TV yesterday. It only took 3 weeks! I am down to one room to paint, thank goodness, because I am so tired of painting. The man came to measure the kitchen and den floors but nobody has said when they are coming to change them out. Very ready for them to come get it done so I can get the den in order. There are boxes and junk everywhere. I like our house more and more everyday. It has it's own little charm and I love it.

Our summer is going good. Busy but good. We both have a ton of things we have to get done. Being at a new school always brings a ton of work with it, and since I am a first year teacher it brings even more work for me. We are going to visit my mom and grandparents in a couple of weeks. Cory wants to take Amtrak again this year. We took it last year and he loved it. Crazy man! Hope everyone is having a great summer!

I'm baaaaccckkk!!!

Wow, it has been a full past couple of weeks. We are all moved in but I still don't have everything up on the walls or painted. I'm so tired of painting. But I only have two rooms left. Maybe I will get them done this week. The linoleum in the kitchen is getting replaced and the carpet in the den is getting replaced because it smells like dog pee. I am so glad the school is allowing it to be done because it really stinks. I am really liking Summersville so far. It's nice and quiet and the people seem friendly. I'm not thrilled about being far away from Wal-Mart and a big city but I can deal with it. We do have a really good restaurant here called the Hungry Moose. It is soooo yummy! I was impressed actually. They have a really good salad bar, homemade hamburgers, and a yummy buffet on the weekends. Oh and they serve breakfast all day, every day. It is yummy too!

The school board approved me to be the new 1st grade teacher! I'm so excited. I haven't been able to get into my classroom until this week because they were redoing the floors. It is a nice size with a smart board and tons of items for me to use. It's the first classroom on the right, not far from the principals office. Cory said it was so she could keep an eye on me. :) I haven't met the other 1st grade teacher yet but we are having a writing workshop on Thursday so I'm sure I will get to meet her then.

My grandparents were here for the weekend. It was nice to have them here. I wish we lived closer so I could see them more often. Well since I'm wishing, I wish the whole family lived in Indiana really close together so we could get together all the time. It was nice to catch up with them and share some laughs. Trying to teach them the ropes on facebook was not easy. Now if they will only remember and actually get on facebook. We will see.

I went to the obgyn yesterday. I figured he was going to tell me it was time to try invitro since that was what the mentioned last time, but he didn't. Not yet anyway. He basically said we need to keep trying. That eventually everything should line up and I should get pregnant. There is no reason I should not be getting pregnant, except for the scar tissue. He said that were young, my tubes are open and I ovulate. So he thinks eventually it will happen. BUT if nothing happens with in six months to a year we might try another surgery. Actually cutting me open and removing the scar tissue. He said he would put a sheet over my tubes, ovaries and uterus to keep the scar tissue from growing on it. Then if I'm still not pregnant with in a year to two years we might need to do invitro. I am praying that it does not come to another surgery or invitro. Hoping it just happens by itself and soon. I do feel more hopeful though.